FEAR!?
I’m not typically a fearful person…in most areas of my life. However, Yesterday, the deepest fear that I have was revealed to me again. I thought this fear was long dead and gone. How wrong I was. You see, my deepest fear is not being loved and not knowing how to give love. But that fear is in the midst of many that plague me. The last 3 years have been a spiritually transforming season in my life. Part of this transformation has been learning to deal with what has been my “hidden” character flaws (AKA Fears). Yes, I’ve been praying for God to reveal these flaws to me and help me remove them.
I have suppressed and covered it up by running, hiding, showing false bravado, and refusing to see it, but recently fears came roaring into my life once again.
Fear is always destructive. Part of my prayer time has been confessing my fears and asking God to show me the path of repentance so that I might overcome irrational fear in my life. Fear can take you back to places, people, and circumstances. It can take you from a place of calm to a place of panic, it can take you backward to a place and to things that you thought were over, complete, no longer lingering in your thoughts. Fear can be so controlling, reminding you of a learned belief that you have a lack of worth and that you are unlovable. Fear reminds us of our mistakes. Fear produces great guilt. It induces irrational responses to present realities that are informed by past realities. In many ways, fear is insidious and overwhelming.
The fear I speak of is an emotional fear and an irrational fear.
It’s a fear that you are not enough.
It is a fear that you will never be worthy of love.
It is a fear that you are worthless.
It is a fear that the people that you love the most will leave you.
It Is the fear that causes panic attacks.
It is the fear that drives you to try to be more and to do more. “Perfectionism”.
It is the fear that your past reality will become a present reality.
Fear that everyone you love will see your fear and conclude that you are unworthy of their love, and they will leave you.
It’s a fear that your mental state will be seen and not accepted.
It’s a fear that others will see the “real” me. The “me” that only I see.
As crazy as all those fears sound, and yes I know it sounds crazy. However, this has been my reality. I know I’m not alone in this conflict of fears. I know that others struggle to overcome fears that have been developed in the past and are now robbing us of our present and cheating us of our future. This driving force of fear is a train wreck just waiting to happen.
THE GOOD NEWS is when we can own it, we can overcome it. Dealing with fear, especially fears that linger from our past, interferes with our present, and can destroy our future. Fearless? Not yet, but I’m Working on it.
Prayer:
Lord, please help me heal from bad decisions, bad character, grief, loss, and the pain of lacking love and giving love. I have been needy, and anxiety driven. I have felt desperate and have been driven by fears that have shaped my character flaws. Calm the fears in me that drive me into anxiety, to make unwise choices and use unkind words and negative views of myself and others. Soothe the fears in my soul that make me crave love and demand love so inappropriately. Restore my faith. Remind me, Lord, that I am loved, worthy of love, and capable of love. Take away the separation anxiety that I experience with the people I love the most. As you remove fear from me, please show me how to restore relationships that I’ve broken out of my fears. Teach me to love with abandonment. Teach me to receive love without the fear of losing love. As I confess these sins to You, I pray that You will help remove them. Let me be a new creation in Your hands. I no longer desire to experience life and love that is filled with fear, depression, and anxiety. I no longer desire to love my way. Teach me to love as you have loved me. Let the healing process begin inside my heart today.
Amen
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Until next time
Pastor Mike 2 Cor. 5:17
