A Sparrows worth
Growing up, I have always had the sense that Christ was there for me. I never really experienced that “aha!” moment a lot of Christians talk about when coming to Christ. This fact has somewhat haunted me, making me question whether I am really a child of God or if it’s all in my head. This idea of what it means to be saved has driven me further from Christ, taking away any discernment I may have had growing up and blotting out the trust I had in God. Each decision I would make in my life just seemed to prove this point. I was choosing my path based on my wants and desires. I had not, and sometimes still don’t, “set my heart on things above” (Colossians 3), instead seeking out the things of this world, hoping that one day it would fill that hollow feeling in my chest. I think this might be a struggle a lot of people might understand; living for our heavenly Father who is always there watching over us, but not entirely believing it. Whether our doubt is seeded in the value we put on ourselves or the representation of what a father is supposed to be like, it’s a lie that the Evil One is tormenting us with. And in our damaged perspective, we have a hard time arguing the fact. But God is always ready to prove us wrong, and I’m sure our doubt is quite annoying to Him. The proof He has shown me is in a memory that I cling onto like a lifeline. I had been in a season of rest, and I had done well in seeking The Lord in everything I did. I would study my bible all day, every day, much of that time with my sister over the phone.
As we read aloud Matthew 10:29-31 “
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows,”
I asked my sister how much God could love me in comparison. In that moment, I looked out the sliding glass door to my left and saw hundreds of blackbirds swarming my backyard and my neighbors’ yards. They would swoop in over the roof of my house and circle before settling, and again take flight and circle as more birds came. It was as if they were dancing. They just kept coming and all I could do was watch in awe and bewilderment. My chest ached with many emotions, but it was an answer from God that will forever stick with me, reminding me that what the devil is selling is a lie. This experience is singular in occurrence and measure. I have not seen anything like it since, holding onto it like it’s my personal miracle. Since then, I have continued to make bad decisions and struggle with what my human perspective believes God is supposed to be like. I still have terrible discernment and often choose sin over sacrifice and righteousness. The difference now though, is that I have a memory in my arsenal to fight against the doubts placed in my mind by the enemy. I will always remember our Father’s awesome declaration of His love for me. And for you. Because one thing we should all remember is that God has no favorites. So, the love He showed me is for me and you, and all of our brothers and sisters in Christ. We are worth more than many sparrows, and our value is in Him.
